Previously..
Confession 2 (Page 1)
Confession 2 (Page 2)
She sat down on the bed beside me. Her hair slowly floated around in the cool wind of the morning. The warmth of the sun was creeping in throught the windows.
"What's you plan?", she enquired smiling.
"You", I replied.
She laid back on the bed and closed her eyes. They looked calm. The nervousness I saw in it yesterday has completely left. I heard a music ringing in my ears. It was coming from somewhere near. She jumped out of the bed.
"That's my phone.", she replied to my puzzled look.
She went to the next room and got the phone out her handbag. I felt too lazy to get out of bed. Anyway she was coming back to where she sat. I saw deep lines of worry burrowing on her face. Something wasn't right. She tried to put up a brave face as she cut the call.
"There's a problem", she started.
"Eh?"
"The call was from Credence Hospital. My hus is admitted there. He's had a drinking problem. He went there for checkup due to stomach ache yesterday. It seems he has liver cancer."
I broke the silence that ensued "You should be going.", I said
"This is your problem, it has always been.." her words trailed away as I cut in angrily.
"Am I the one with the problem? You are the one who's had a broken marriage. You're the one who lost her son. You are the one who's run away and slept with a-" I stopped suddenly realising I'd gone too far. The silence that followed was the longest in my life.
"I'm going", she said softly. I understood.
As she walked into the adjacent room to redress I looked upon the pen that lay on the table beside my bed. I started doing what I should have done ten years ago. Five minutes later she returned. Her eyes told she'd been crying. I folded the letter I had written and held it out to her. She put it in her carrybag and walked out..
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Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Monday, 1 December 2008
Friday, 30 May 2008
HOTC Ch 3: A Cultural Awakening
A new semester and a new classroom. We finally had a place in the electronics department. Though our class had a feeling of being out of place in the silent electronics dept, the n
ew classroom's strategic position allayed our fears. The classroom had windows opening to the archi dept and the paths to Civil and Electrical depts. As you can imagine, there was continuous entertainment around ;-). Above all that, we found a new goddess - 'Sou' as we called her. No other senior have got so many dedicated fans in a single class she does. Her legend lives on in our mobile phone themes.
S3 was a semester of cultural and other events. The first in line was the sophomores' day, codenamed
Miraglo. Though many connotations grew out of the name, the event was a success. Gokul, being the convener propelled our class into active participation in Miraglo. Mime, dance, rock show, Pulikali, Compering- you name it- we had applied colour in every event and organising committee. That was also proof that we were indeed a cultural force in college. The other major cultural event in the semester was Dhwani. It still remains the best Dhwani I've seen and the only one. Rivers of colourful birds didn't deter us from the job at hand. Once again we played our hand in organising the mega event.
One of the most memorable event that sem was our class tour. It's undoubtedly the best tour I went on. For once, we set apart the groupisms and celebrated it. Campfires and the bus turned into disco floors were not a single soul dared to sit. Wild adventures into mountain terrain, mischievous antics and interesting controversies - the tour had it all.
It was also the semester when we chartered unknown territories in the field of tech - Robotics. Thanks to Baachi, we were inspired into a field that both interested us all and gave us an 'academic cover'. Our first attempt, the soccer bots Innak and Aruk gave us third place in the competition held at TKM - Bhavah.
One of other things that comes to my mind is the Chicken pox epidemic, that engulfed our class. There were many more events I've missed mentioning. S3 was one of the longest semesters we had with University exams split up before an after Christmas (damn KU). With lots of fun and still lots of free time, it surely is among the top in my semester rating.
Coming up: Ch 4 - The Ragam Story
ew classroom's strategic position allayed our fears. The classroom had windows opening to the archi dept and the paths to Civil and Electrical depts. As you can imagine, there was continuous entertainment around ;-). Above all that, we found a new goddess - 'Sou' as we called her. No other senior have got so many dedicated fans in a single class she does. Her legend lives on in our mobile phone themes.S3 was a semester of cultural and other events. The first in line was the sophomores' day, codenamed
Miraglo. Though many connotations grew out of the name, the event was a success. Gokul, being the convener propelled our class into active participation in Miraglo. Mime, dance, rock show, Pulikali, Compering- you name it- we had applied colour in every event and organising committee. That was also proof that we were indeed a cultural force in college. The other major cultural event in the semester was Dhwani. It still remains the best Dhwani I've seen and the only one. Rivers of colourful birds didn't deter us from the job at hand. Once again we played our hand in organising the mega event.
One of the most memorable event that sem was our class tour. It's undoubtedly the best tour I went on. For once, we set apart the groupisms and celebrated it. Campfires and the bus turned into disco floors were not a single soul dared to sit. Wild adventures into mountain terrain, mischievous antics and interesting controversies - the tour had it all.
It was also the semester when we chartered unknown territories in the field of tech - Robotics. Thanks to Baachi, we were inspired into a field that both interested us all and gave us an 'academic cover'. Our first attempt, the soccer bots Innak and Aruk gave us third place in the competition held at TKM - Bhavah.One of other things that comes to my mind is the Chicken pox epidemic, that engulfed our class. There were many more events I've missed mentioning. S3 was one of the longest semesters we had with University exams split up before an after Christmas (damn KU). With lots of fun and still lots of free time, it surely is among the top in my semester rating.
Coming up: Ch 4 - The Ragam Story
Saturday, 24 May 2008
HOTC Ch 2: 'Dare' Remo Jayan
That Christmas was the season of dares and crushes. Every other boy had at least a small crush on someone. As the 9 gals in our class wouldn't suffice, there were even crushes in other classes. Though I'm not much informed about the gals' crushes, some of the names have surfaced.
I don't remember who introduced the dare idea, but it must've originated in the LH. Anyway each person had to dare another to perform something in class. That's whe Jayan got a dare from someone (Later revealed as Sreekesh). He was to propose to V, Remo style. His friends added an additional dare to do it in front of Jaseela Ma'am (a guest teacher ;-).
Jayan, who already had a crush on V couldn't resist the offer. He came in the period after lunch. Jaseela Ma'am was standing in front of the class, about to start teaching. Jayan said " I love you, V" and gave her a 'Remo' kiss in front of the whole class with teacher watching.
We hadn't realised then, the importance of that moment in the HOTC. V was shocked and reacted with an outburst. Jayan was both furious and heartbroken. Our group united for a common cause for the first time - to support Jayan (avane thekkan :-). AS, Varun, Hari etc. moved to our side to join in the fun and thus the incident brought our gang together. Jayan on the other hand found a partner in crime by accusing (not completely falsely) me of having a crush on V. In the following months, U and V became close friends and what we call a 'pair'.
To summarise other relationships, Jisha broke with Jaleel and became friends with Gokul. Nothing came out of Gokul's crush on Remya. LnT-Gemo melodrama continued in the background with most of the class (excluding me and some others) unaware.
The college sprang alive with events like genesis, techfest (Dyuthi), our first class tour, Ragam '06 and the election. Those were the times when we played dumbcharades and cricket in class. Cricket ended in Princip
al's room below us and the dumbcharades made Suraj Baachi. The election revealed for the first time a rift in our class. Two sections in our class were in cold war with each other due to political and other reasons. Thankfully not enough reasons surfaced for a physical fight in our class, but the college was thrown into turmoil. Thus ended S1S2 with university exams approaching.
Coming up: Ch3 - A Cultural Awakening
I don't remember who introduced the dare idea, but it must've originated in the LH. Anyway each person had to dare another to perform something in class. That's whe Jayan got a dare from someone (Later revealed as Sreekesh). He was to propose to V, Remo style. His friends added an additional dare to do it in front of Jaseela Ma'am (a guest teacher ;-).
Jayan, who already had a crush on V couldn't resist the offer. He came in the period after lunch. Jaseela Ma'am was standing in front of the class, about to start teaching. Jayan said " I love you, V" and gave her a 'Remo' kiss in front of the whole class with teacher watching.
We hadn't realised then, the importance of that moment in the HOTC. V was shocked and reacted with an outburst. Jayan was both furious and heartbroken. Our group united for a common cause for the first time - to support Jayan (avane thekkan :-). AS, Varun, Hari etc. moved to our side to join in the fun and thus the incident brought our gang together. Jayan on the other hand found a partner in crime by accusing (not completely falsely) me of having a crush on V. In the following months, U and V became close friends and what we call a 'pair'.
To summarise other relationships, Jisha broke with Jaleel and became friends with Gokul. Nothing came out of Gokul's crush on Remya. LnT-Gemo melodrama continued in the background with most of the class (excluding me and some others) unaware.
The college sprang alive with events like genesis, techfest (Dyuthi), our first class tour, Ragam '06 and the election. Those were the times when we played dumbcharades and cricket in class. Cricket ended in Princip
al's room below us and the dumbcharades made Suraj Baachi. The election revealed for the first time a rift in our class. Two sections in our class were in cold war with each other due to political and other reasons. Thankfully not enough reasons surfaced for a physical fight in our class, but the college was thrown into turmoil. Thus ended S1S2 with university exams approaching.Coming up: Ch3 - A Cultural Awakening
Thursday, 31 January 2008
Confession 2 (Page 1)
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and any resemblance to characters and incidents in real life are purely coincidental.
When was the last time I saw her? Time flies by in life. But there are moments in life you never forget. They are so clear in your mind..as fresh a memory as it happened just moments ago. It was the batch farewell party and I couldn't take my eyes off her, I never could. It had been like that for 4 years.. the best of my life.
When was the first time I saw her?
"Hey you! come here" I turned my head around, being careful to keep looking down and not look in the eyes of my caller.
I slowly walked up to him.
"What's your name?", he asked.
"John"
"Don't you have a father?" he inquired with a mocking laugh
"John F Xavier" I replied.
"Describe her"
I turned to look at the person standing next to me. She was about my shoulder high. I started to open my mouth when she lifted up her face to look at me. The only thing I saw was the untold helplessness in her deep blue eyes. They were beautiful.
I walked to my class wishing her to be in it. She wasn't there. Destiny's playing dice with me as usual. I exhausted all the contacts I could gather in the college. By the end of first day, I found out which branch she was in and more importantly, her name. That evening, I went to the canteen with my friends. After the snack, we waited for our transportation in the bus bay. Then I saw her again. She was more beautiful than in the morning. I became a regular in the bus bay from then on.
It was just the beginning. I watched her for four years. Every time she walked through the corridor. The times when she laughed aloud or cried silently. Her first love - the hot senior. Their break-up. The guy who consoled her and became her second boyfriend. Her love for chocolates and ice-cream. The tragic death of her father. I knew everything about her but didn't know her. She never talked to me, ever.
Thinking back, she was pretty close to her boyfriend by the time we passed out of college. They must've got married. I never inquired about her to anyone afterwards. It was time to move on.
I've been on the same job for the past 10 years. Boring is the least you can say about it. It goes on and on until yesterday I got a postcard. "Meet me at 10, Desert Mist" Even after 10 years, I could instantly recognise the handwriting. I couldn't sleep the night and after 24 long hours now I am waiting for her. I'd always waited for her..
Here she comes. I can recognise her gait from a distance. She walks into the ice-cream parlour and finds me sitting beside the corner table. I can't take my eyes of her. The feeling's same as the first time I saw her. My heart warms as her beautiful lips part to utter the words-"Stop blogging, I've lots to talk."
When was the last time I saw her? Time flies by in life. But there are moments in life you never forget. They are so clear in your mind..as fresh a memory as it happened just moments ago. It was the batch farewell party and I couldn't take my eyes off her, I never could. It had been like that for 4 years.. the best of my life.
When was the first time I saw her?
"Hey you! come here" I turned my head around, being careful to keep looking down and not look in the eyes of my caller.
I slowly walked up to him.
"What's your name?", he asked.
"John"
"Don't you have a father?" he inquired with a mocking laugh
"John F Xavier" I replied.
"Describe her"
I turned to look at the person standing next to me. She was about my shoulder high. I started to open my mouth when she lifted up her face to look at me. The only thing I saw was the untold helplessness in her deep blue eyes. They were beautiful.
I walked to my class wishing her to be in it. She wasn't there. Destiny's playing dice with me as usual. I exhausted all the contacts I could gather in the college. By the end of first day, I found out which branch she was in and more importantly, her name. That evening, I went to the canteen with my friends. After the snack, we waited for our transportation in the bus bay. Then I saw her again. She was more beautiful than in the morning. I became a regular in the bus bay from then on.
It was just the beginning. I watched her for four years. Every time she walked through the corridor. The times when she laughed aloud or cried silently. Her first love - the hot senior. Their break-up. The guy who consoled her and became her second boyfriend. Her love for chocolates and ice-cream. The tragic death of her father. I knew everything about her but didn't know her. She never talked to me, ever.
Thinking back, she was pretty close to her boyfriend by the time we passed out of college. They must've got married. I never inquired about her to anyone afterwards. It was time to move on.
I've been on the same job for the past 10 years. Boring is the least you can say about it. It goes on and on until yesterday I got a postcard. "Meet me at 10, Desert Mist" Even after 10 years, I could instantly recognise the handwriting. I couldn't sleep the night and after 24 long hours now I am waiting for her. I'd always waited for her..
Here she comes. I can recognise her gait from a distance. She walks into the ice-cream parlour and finds me sitting beside the corner table. I can't take my eyes of her. The feeling's same as the first time I saw her. My heart warms as her beautiful lips part to utter the words-"Stop blogging, I've lots to talk."
Monday, 31 December 2007
A Math Romance
They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.
Note:I have no copy or paste right over this story......Aj
Thanx 4 patience
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Wuthering Heights, an amateur review by a confused reader
The story began in a busy shop. He was amongst others engrossed in the abundance of beauty around them. But he had eyes only for one thing - Romance.
Days later he asked himself, "Who should I pick from these beauties I met at the shop". He knew this would be a 'landmark' in his life but like so many other times he let his heart decide it on the toss of a coin. The final verdict is out on his choice now...
The real story stages on the backdrop English countryside. I've noticed that most of the modern day classics are similar in that aspect. Like any romantic novel, it began with the history of our main characters. A gal falls in love with guy, but is forced to marry another. Guy knows about it too late and flees the place in disappointment. Later the guy returns. This guy and the one to whom the gal is married enters a cold war. Physical fight results soon which saddens the heroine. She dies due to illness caused by her mental state on seeing her lover and husband fight. The end?
Nahin picture abhi baaki hai..
What happens after this is, for me, the confusing part and the part that made it special. You've to read the book to find out. The book opened my eyes to new avenues and side alleys of relationships that I didn't expect to exist. It taught me how far broken relationships can change you. If you start off expecting a calm romantic novel in Wuthering Heights, you might end up disappointed. The book is more than that, it's about strained relationships, hatred, self destruction and intense love.
P.S.- Still debating where to put this book in the Top Ten.
Wuthering Heights is Emily Brontë's only novel. It was first published in 1847 under the pseudonym Ellis Bell, and a posthumous second edition was edited by her sister Charlotte. The name of the novel comes from the Yorkshire manor on the moors on which the story centres. (As an adjective, wuthering is a Yorkshire word referring to turbulent weather.) - wiki (Read more)
Days later he asked himself, "Who should I pick from these beauties I met at the shop". He knew this would be a 'landmark' in his life but like so many other times he let his heart decide it on the toss of a coin. The final verdict is out on his choice now...
The real story stages on the backdrop English countryside. I've noticed that most of the modern day classics are similar in that aspect. Like any romantic novel, it began with the history of our main characters. A gal falls in love with guy, but is forced to marry another. Guy knows about it too late and flees the place in disappointment. Later the guy returns. This guy and the one to whom the gal is married enters a cold war. Physical fight results soon which saddens the heroine. She dies due to illness caused by her mental state on seeing her lover and husband fight. The end?
Nahin picture abhi baaki hai..
What happens after this is, for me, the confusing part and the part that made it special. You've to read the book to find out. The book opened my eyes to new avenues and side alleys of relationships that I didn't expect to exist. It taught me how far broken relationships can change you. If you start off expecting a calm romantic novel in Wuthering Heights, you might end up disappointed. The book is more than that, it's about strained relationships, hatred, self destruction and intense love.
P.S.- Still debating where to put this book in the Top Ten.
Wuthering Heights is Emily Brontë's only novel. It was first published in 1847 under the pseudonym Ellis Bell, and a posthumous second edition was edited by her sister Charlotte. The name of the novel comes from the Yorkshire manor on the moors on which the story centres. (As an adjective, wuthering is a Yorkshire word referring to turbulent weather.) - wiki (Read more)
Friday, 9 November 2007
Confession
It all started when I was sixteen. My family was visiting one of my mother’s friends. It was the first time I saw her. And oh! She was beautiful.
My father was talking. Her father was talking. The mothers were in the kitchen. She sat there opposite to me. She was happily listening to the fathers talking. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t in the kitchen with the ladies. I didn’t understand why she was sitting opposite to me, but then, it was just the beginning of things I didn’t understand.
I knew that her name was Soumya. That she had just joined for electronics in CET. Don’t misunderstand me. It wasn’t love at first sight, or anything like that. There she was, all perfect…..beautiful, smart, intelligent…. Who was I to love her? It was just appreciation then.
Days after the visit, no matter what I did, the only thing I could see was her face. Everywhere! The only one I could think about was her. And yes, those days presented me with the most beautiful dreams of my life.
I needed to see her again. But there was no mention of another visit. Gradually, I felt that it was all up to me. That sparked off two years of hard work. I needed to get into CET. I worked and I worked. There was broken friendships and suffering. But all I could see was an angel, standing at a distance, her halo the only glimmer of light that guided me.
There was no one to whom I could confess. It was too precious a secret….. My secret…
Then there was two years of bliss I got into CET.
I didn’t see her for the first three months. I didn’t have to go looking for her. I just needed to know…. To know that she was there, near me.
I came to know that she was quite famous among the guys. The first time I saw her I wasn’t alone. I was with my friends. I just needed a glance. To see she was beautiful. To see everything was as it should be. Perfect. And I played along with my friends.
Everything went on fine. Until…..
She was about to complete her course and it was time for me to let go . Only a few days left! It was the last series exams of the semester. I just wrote each exam for an hour. Marks weren’t a priority. I knew she would leave early. I waited. I saw her. It was the first time seeing her hadn’t brought a smile to my face.
And she left…..
I don’t know what more is left. It is all over and I am tired. My mask sustains me, but I am withered inside.
She didn’t know me. To her I am just one of her admirers. And it will stay that way.
I have told my friends that I have had three crushes. I didn’t name the last one. But it was not a crush… not even love….. but something ….. something I don’t understand.
Monday, 17 September 2007
"I love you..."
The drizzle was falling in sweet romantic pulses. I stood on the pavement under a shelter watching the tiny droplets fall and sprinkle off into thin air, leaving way for its successors. They seemed very similar to we human who live just to end up a pile of ash and leaving our successors to the same fate as we. Wild thoughts flashed past my brain, i was wandering into some unknown realm. Perhaps it was the anticipation of a very special person that left my mind wandering. As the clock ticked by i gathered my thoughts and set my eyes towards the far end of the neat and broad avenue. In the morning sun the rain drenched trees looked all the more beautiful and with the sun-rays beaming through the leaves like playful infants there was a blissful charm in the air which only a heart which has fallen in love can understand. Only seconds had passed by when a small figure appeared at the far-end. My pulse soared up like a rocket."Today I'm gonna tell her, tell her that 'i love you'...".
She looked the prettiest in red. Oh!! how beautiful...there was no fag-end to the ecstacy that her sight brought to my heart. She with a divine grace walked across the avenue exuding delight into the eyes of the beholder. Was she elvish?? I wish she was... She approached the pavement carefully stepping over the small bowls of water, i watched her without a blink of the eyes. She stood only a couple of yards from where i was. My heart raced like a 1000cc engine. With all courage i could find in this world i walked towards her.This was the moment of truth, the moment to open up and reveal what had laid deep inside the gorges of my heart.
"Hey..hhmmm....", a nervous creak came out, after adjusting my vocals i proceeded.
"Hello, I'm Hari...",i forgot what i had prepared the previous night. I looked straight into her eyes leaving a chill to pass through my body from top to bottom, it was hair-raising.
"Its been a long time since i wanted to tell you what was in my heart....", I took a deep breath.
"I love you...."
The naughty little breeze played with her hair which made her more sensual. To my utmost delight and surprise i didnt get disdain as i had expected, on the contrary i saw her go shy and her face as red as an apple, she was blushing. In the deepest of my heart i felt triumphant and ecstatic. I patiently waited for a reply. But before she could utter a single word her peers dragged her off into her college bus. There was a look of empathy in her eyes as she left, wanting to stay back but obliged not to.
I didn't run after the bus, but i stood in the rain, draining off all despair in my heart,looking in through the fogged rear window of the rusty bus, as it disappeared against the horizon, exchanging looks of affection and adoration, a silent promise to keep close even when miles apart. The look in the eye had done the trick...
She looked the prettiest in red. Oh!! how beautiful...there was no fag-end to the ecstacy that her sight brought to my heart. She with a divine grace walked across the avenue exuding delight into the eyes of the beholder. Was she elvish?? I wish she was... She approached the pavement carefully stepping over the small bowls of water, i watched her without a blink of the eyes. She stood only a couple of yards from where i was. My heart raced like a 1000cc engine. With all courage i could find in this world i walked towards her.This was the moment of truth, the moment to open up and reveal what had laid deep inside the gorges of my heart.
"Hey..hhmmm....", a nervous creak came out, after adjusting my vocals i proceeded.
"Hello, I'm Hari...",i forgot what i had prepared the previous night. I looked straight into her eyes leaving a chill to pass through my body from top to bottom, it was hair-raising.
"Its been a long time since i wanted to tell you what was in my heart....", I took a deep breath.
"I love you...."
The naughty little breeze played with her hair which made her more sensual. To my utmost delight and surprise i didnt get disdain as i had expected, on the contrary i saw her go shy and her face as red as an apple, she was blushing. In the deepest of my heart i felt triumphant and ecstatic. I patiently waited for a reply. But before she could utter a single word her peers dragged her off into her college bus. There was a look of empathy in her eyes as she left, wanting to stay back but obliged not to.
I didn't run after the bus, but i stood in the rain, draining off all despair in my heart,looking in through the fogged rear window of the rusty bus, as it disappeared against the horizon, exchanging looks of affection and adoration, a silent promise to keep close even when miles apart. The look in the eye had done the trick...
Sunday, 22 July 2007
FORSAKEN SOUL III
Chapter 3
Destiny
(This is going to be the penultimate chapter of a rather unimpressive and boring saga of love of a mediocre person, in the process of rediscovering himself.....)
Hmmm......Oh!! Yeah those were the unforgettable moments in my life, when i never realized how insane and nerdy i was, but enjoyed my life to its full. So up to tenth class i was quite pleased with the way things were going. On the last day of our class i dropped her home for the last time and there went the opportune moment.I feel she loved me too, perhaps that's my own conscience telling me or rather consoling me; for such sensual and merry an angel, chattering away into some unknown realm of blissful forgetfulness, i can only dream of beholding as my other half.I never told her, "I love you...", because i thought she knew it well and she would be the first to ask me of it(how foolish and naive!!!!, I regret it even now.....).
The next two years, i reckon, were living hell for me. I didn't realize that then but when i look back down the memory lane i find myself in no man's land not knowing himself but pretending to be the one and only. I was a damn sicko!!. During the long vacation that followed the 10th board i cherished the sweetest memoirs she gave me (couldn't contact her 'cause i was stuck up in my native place).I was kinda making myself fall in love, forcibly thinking i was in love with her.(I still don't know if i really loved her or not but......damn i just can't get her outta my head, i feel like....like crying....sob sob... :(( )In those two months a lot changed.
I became very self conscious, as now i had a girl to impress. A big blunder i believe from my part, the biggest ever because i didn't know who i was and then becoming conscious of oneself can be disastrous.Also i din't know what love was at all, not that i know it now but certaily now i know what is not love .Her friends list grew and i felt out of place because there was a time when i was her only male acquaintance or may be one of the very few. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. She was like a piece of my heart. And amidst all the overflow of emotions the last thing i wanted was to lose my friends. I didn't want to be close those who were close to her.
Yes..now i know what happened to me in those deciding couple of years and this has cost me a lot many friends and my dear soul. Mad in love and desperate in solitude, i punished myself for my lack of confidence and passionately wild possessiveness.No point in blaming someone for my loss or calling people anti-heroes.Only I'm to be blamed for what has happened to me, i just missed the broader perspective of life. I lost her and that's a sorry fact i may brood over perhaps to the end of my life.Had i been a little more confident and open-minded i could have been the proud owner of a lovely heart.But alas!! may be this is what we all call destiny fate etc etc.......I may still have a part to play in her life, you never know,my last ray of hope.
(i don't know if i really felt "love" for her or not, but still i find her lurking amongst the woods, beckoning me to join her to chop off the sorrows of life and be with her forever....)
This is the second chapter...
Destiny
(This is going to be the penultimate chapter of a rather unimpressive and boring saga of love of a mediocre person, in the process of rediscovering himself.....)
Hmmm......Oh!! Yeah those were the unforgettable moments in my life, when i never realized how insane and nerdy i was, but enjoyed my life to its full. So up to tenth class i was quite pleased with the way things were going. On the last day of our class i dropped her home for the last time and there went the opportune moment.I feel she loved me too, perhaps that's my own conscience telling me or rather consoling me; for such sensual and merry an angel, chattering away into some unknown realm of blissful forgetfulness, i can only dream of beholding as my other half.I never told her, "I love you...", because i thought she knew it well and she would be the first to ask me of it(how foolish and naive!!!!, I regret it even now.....).
The next two years, i reckon, were living hell for me. I didn't realize that then but when i look back down the memory lane i find myself in no man's land not knowing himself but pretending to be the one and only. I was a damn sicko!!. During the long vacation that followed the 10th board i cherished the sweetest memoirs she gave me (couldn't contact her 'cause i was stuck up in my native place).I was kinda making myself fall in love, forcibly thinking i was in love with her.(I still don't know if i really loved her or not but......damn i just can't get her outta my head, i feel like....like crying....sob sob... :(( )In those two months a lot changed.
I became very self conscious, as now i had a girl to impress. A big blunder i believe from my part, the biggest ever because i didn't know who i was and then becoming conscious of oneself can be disastrous.Also i din't know what love was at all, not that i know it now but certaily now i know what is not love .Her friends list grew and i felt out of place because there was a time when i was her only male acquaintance or may be one of the very few. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. She was like a piece of my heart. And amidst all the overflow of emotions the last thing i wanted was to lose my friends. I didn't want to be close those who were close to her.
Yes..now i know what happened to me in those deciding couple of years and this has cost me a lot many friends and my dear soul. Mad in love and desperate in solitude, i punished myself for my lack of confidence and passionately wild possessiveness.No point in blaming someone for my loss or calling people anti-heroes.Only I'm to be blamed for what has happened to me, i just missed the broader perspective of life. I lost her and that's a sorry fact i may brood over perhaps to the end of my life.Had i been a little more confident and open-minded i could have been the proud owner of a lovely heart.But alas!! may be this is what we all call destiny fate etc etc.......I may still have a part to play in her life, you never know,my last ray of hope.
(i don't know if i really felt "love" for her or not, but still i find her lurking amongst the woods, beckoning me to join her to chop off the sorrows of life and be with her forever....)
i don't quite know, how to say, how i feel...'SNOW PATROL'(to be continued.....)
This is the second chapter...
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Apparition
“Damn….why do we keep losing to those yellow @#!$%%& (*shouldn’t be used in common speech)….”, Vikas was furious, thanks to a night out to watch India battle out a defeat against the world champions.
“No use cursing them…do they ever learn? The kangaroos are relentless……”, Paras had had enough of it.
Reghu was the third of the company, he didn’t have an opinion after all he didn’t know the game well (strange… in India do we really find such people…very few, I reckon).
They were childhood friends, but Reghu was off the company for 6 years due to workly commitments of his dad.
“Aaaaah…whatever…we may have to wait until all our teeth fall off to see the back of The Aussie… ” sighed Vikas.
“Hmmm…whatever…..”
Reghu: Hmmm….I’ve been sleeping whole day…I totally forgot our plans of comb. at your house Vikas…mom woke me up just in the nick of time.
Paras: The math assignment….whoosh…we have to do it first and quick.
Vikas: Yeah!! Sure…
Reghu: Then what about the test??? Have you studied??I haven’t turned a page since the last one.
Vikas: OH!!! The test…if its like the last one then I’m sure to get my pocket money cut for this month.
Paras: The same is my situation with me too, but Reghu won’t have anything to worry of…He’s the kidu of math in our class….
Vikas: The math stud…Reghu…
Reghu: (blushing) Oh!! I’m honored…..
Paras: So he’s going to teach us the math….right…
Vikas: Righto….
Reghu: Okie boss…as you wish….
Just then a 'very good looking' girl wearing a 'good' top and a skirt brushed past the company. A cold chill went past their hearts as they held their mouths wide open in admiration.
Vikas: Wow!! !@#$(explicits deleted)
Paras: Yeah!! I wish I was @#(again explicits deleted)
Reghu was still thunderstruck as he watched in amazement the...... (damn!!! i wish i didn't edit this...reckless adolescents they are....for the last time explicits deleted)
Paras: Such a 'lady' can be unfaithful, I reckon….(very diplomatic indeed....)
Vikas: HUH!! Come on man Paras, don’t be jealous…..
Reghu echoed.
Paras: I know several of them,and I’m not jealous….
Vikas and Reghu in unison: “Hahahaa…. Nana Nana Nana….. Jealous is Paras, ha-ha, Paras is jaaalous…."
Paras: Oh!! Knock it off man…Lets hurry….Reghu must be waiting for us at your place.
Reghu shrieked: “What the hell???”
Vikas: Hmmm…oh yeah…I totally forgot….lets go…
“Hey guys!! I’m here, right before you…” he cried. But none seemed to hear. ‘Twas as if he had been completely desolated from the world. What was happening, he didn’t know.
He shouted and yelled but no use.What in the bloody hell was going on?? "Have i crossed time dimensions" (is there enough truth in sci-fi, hmmm....I wonder)
“Ring!! Ring!!!” Vikas’s mobile rang.
In short notice his face turned pale a great fright and pain came over his face.
“He’s gone…” unable to contain himself Vikas burst off into tears.
Paras stood stunned and shocked beside.
“No!!! I don’t believe this….How the …..” Reghu stammered as he turned pale and grey..
“Am I dead?? Am I not alive anymore…”
“Am I a gggh....ghost???”
He ran back to his house. And to his ultimate horror he found himself,a corpse, lying on a stretcher alongside his father,another corpse,….(They had gone shopping, but unfortunately….)
“Get up my son….Get up…” his mom’s voice rang on his ear-drums like alarm. He felt like… eh….a ghost, just a soul was he. Left to wander into realms unknown to mortal beings, to discover his new destiny.
“Get upppp….” Now the voice was getting a little annoying. He felt droplets of water on his face.
“Goddamn you….. Sleeps till noon stupid…..remember you had to go to Vikas’ place…its time boy…now get up” yelled his mom.
“Waaaaat….”at the first instant he was feeling himself.
A sigh of relief, a feel of triumph as if he had just defeated Mr.Death.
He got up and briskly left for Vikas’s residence.
(No...no....not for the chain story.....eh...will need better stuff than this for it....but can be considered.... ;-))(I've cleaned up the post ....even now if ya find anything obscenic please report..... )
:-S
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Flushing Life down the Drain
The following is nothing but what happened today.. As Einstein once said, everything is relative. So the narration wouldn't be completed without stating the observer - me.
I woke up around 9 am. Don't remember anything that happened before that. There are days when you can't recollect the dreams even if you try hard. So nothing happened till 10:30 am. Oh did i mention waking up at 9? Ya watched TV till then. There's lots to say about TV abuse. I hate it completely when time's spend worthlessly in front of the idiot box, but that's what i end up doing most of the days.
I walked to college with Sedra and Smith in my backpack. No they're not characters in the new Matrix movie. Anyone who's acquainted with that book will acknowledge that my journey was that of ant climbing a hill with a 5 kg stone on his back. And to think that this was the second time i was making the same journey..hoping this one wouldn't be futile.
Thankfully, the library was open this time around. The book had fine.. 10 rs for just 2 days. I smiled, the book wasn't taken in my name. [Clue: In plus Aswin minus Mo]. The smile was instantly wiped off my face. The realisation struck me that I too had to return a book. Another 15 bucks wasted on fine, that too for a book I hadn't opened. I returned to our class.
Iceman had the remedy for my disappointment in his hands, or was it in his pocket? Anyway, soon I had in my hand what he had in his pocket, the mobile having this beautiful song... Oru Venal Puzhayil from the movie Pranayakalm. I was stuck in time-space continuum for the next hour, entrapped, enthralled and entranced. It was already getting late for the second part of my journey. Life takes us through many ways, some certain others uncertain. I wasn't sure exactly where my destination lay.
Mission: Drain at the Bakery
Map of Area: Provided
Target: Uncertain
Aim: Get a replacement drain tube for the washing machine.
Time Limit: Till evening
Armory: 700 bucks, backpack
The mission didn't get off to a good start. I'd to wait for half an hour in front of the college. Senior chechis going back after placements were my only entertainment. If I waited any longer, I would've ended up in some drain by the end of the day. So, I walked to the next junction. My first stroke of luck came in the way of a red monster. It stopped breathing fire in front of me and told me to hop on. It got me close to my destination and went off again, breathing fire as ever.
I walked up a way which I thought would lead me to the target. Little did I know then that I was going farther away from the target. Feeling something fishy, I called my lifeline... She directed me to the right path. Reached the target and acquired the required aim. I wasn't just about to go to the exit without having some fun of my own. Hunger led me to Ambrosia. Then I spend time waiting for my chicken burger ogling at the two chicks seated in the adjacent table. They weren't very pretty, but who cared!
I felt too bored to go back home. So I got down at Sreekariyam and went to my friend's house. We played a game of chess.. I won. Then another friend came along.. We downloaded some songs and videos. I'd suggested to download a song I'd heard long back. Now, back home, I'm hearing that song for the umpteenth time.. The song's Abhi Nahin Aana by Sona. Powerful emotions, don't have any other word to describe it.
Well..what was the purpose of this blog. Such an ordinary day, but revealed one thing that I'm completely crazy about. No it's not TV or gals.
Music is the wine which inspires one to new generative processes, and I am Bacchus who presses out this glorious wine for mankind and makes them spiritually drunken. ~Ludwig van Beethoven
I woke up around 9 am. Don't remember anything that happened before that. There are days when you can't recollect the dreams even if you try hard. So nothing happened till 10:30 am. Oh did i mention waking up at 9? Ya watched TV till then. There's lots to say about TV abuse. I hate it completely when time's spend worthlessly in front of the idiot box, but that's what i end up doing most of the days.
I walked to college with Sedra and Smith in my backpack. No they're not characters in the new Matrix movie. Anyone who's acquainted with that book will acknowledge that my journey was that of ant climbing a hill with a 5 kg stone on his back. And to think that this was the second time i was making the same journey..hoping this one wouldn't be futile.
Thankfully, the library was open this time around. The book had fine.. 10 rs for just 2 days. I smiled, the book wasn't taken in my name. [Clue: In plus Aswin minus Mo]. The smile was instantly wiped off my face. The realisation struck me that I too had to return a book. Another 15 bucks wasted on fine, that too for a book I hadn't opened. I returned to our class.
Iceman had the remedy for my disappointment in his hands, or was it in his pocket? Anyway, soon I had in my hand what he had in his pocket, the mobile having this beautiful song... Oru Venal Puzhayil from the movie Pranayakalm. I was stuck in time-space continuum for the next hour, entrapped, enthralled and entranced. It was already getting late for the second part of my journey. Life takes us through many ways, some certain others uncertain. I wasn't sure exactly where my destination lay.
Mission: Drain at the Bakery
Map of Area: Provided
Target: Uncertain
Aim: Get a replacement drain tube for the washing machine.
Time Limit: Till evening
Armory: 700 bucks, backpack
The mission didn't get off to a good start. I'd to wait for half an hour in front of the college. Senior chechis going back after placements were my only entertainment. If I waited any longer, I would've ended up in some drain by the end of the day. So, I walked to the next junction. My first stroke of luck came in the way of a red monster. It stopped breathing fire in front of me and told me to hop on. It got me close to my destination and went off again, breathing fire as ever.
I walked up a way which I thought would lead me to the target. Little did I know then that I was going farther away from the target. Feeling something fishy, I called my lifeline... She directed me to the right path. Reached the target and acquired the required aim. I wasn't just about to go to the exit without having some fun of my own. Hunger led me to Ambrosia. Then I spend time waiting for my chicken burger ogling at the two chicks seated in the adjacent table. They weren't very pretty, but who cared!
I felt too bored to go back home. So I got down at Sreekariyam and went to my friend's house. We played a game of chess.. I won. Then another friend came along.. We downloaded some songs and videos. I'd suggested to download a song I'd heard long back. Now, back home, I'm hearing that song for the umpteenth time.. The song's Abhi Nahin Aana by Sona. Powerful emotions, don't have any other word to describe it.
Well..what was the purpose of this blog. Such an ordinary day, but revealed one thing that I'm completely crazy about. No it's not TV or gals.
Music is the wine which inspires one to new generative processes, and I am Bacchus who presses out this glorious wine for mankind and makes them spiritually drunken. ~Ludwig van Beethoven
Friday, 15 June 2007
FORSAKEN SOUL II
Chapter 2
The best part...
Eros,son of Aphrodite had cast a spell on me,a weak one to begin with.
It was in those hasty and apprehensive years of 10th board that i saw her again.She was so cute and chubby and tiny.
I had totally forgotten about my experience thanks to the pressure from my parents to do well in 10th,they ain't cool like me.Tenth standard means study,study and more study, for my parents of course, and for the damn school as well.So like a ritual they would keep classes from the moment we finished our 9th final exams.
That afternoon,after the extra class,i was walking back home and look who's here,"Angel"."Oh wow..excellent..",i thought.I set my grey matter conspiring how to enter her head and venture into her heart.It so happened that we were both heading home and we almost had the same route (her path + lil twists and turns =mine)*.The first day i would watch her go.But the arrows of Cupid were hurting bad and so i decided to comprehend the extra twists and turns.So the second day i followed her ,but i had no courage to talk to her,she was so beautiful and awesome.The third and fourth days went the same.On the fifth day i decided,"no more fooling around asshole..come on......",my alter ego was strong.That day after school i set forth in search of the elusive prize.But no...i couldn't do it,the fucking under-confident asshole i was all these years,discouraged me from the doing it.
This was the time to leave the past behind and that's what i did."No don't give up buddy,don't give up..she's your destiny...".In a life-threatening move at a crucial juncture,a turning point where we would have split,i found myself talking to her.Yeah....finally i made it.
"Hello,I'm Hari",i introduced myself in a very courteous manner.
She was my first love and i had never talked to a girl like i had to her.I had redeemed myself,from previous failed attempts to know her,and had gathered sufficient courage .My heart was pounding like a..eh..pounding heart and little droplets of sweat had appeared on the periphery of the area where moustache was supposed to grow.I also suspect a few drops to have covered a considerable altitude before reaching the ground from my forehead.
After a moment of silence she put her hand out and acknowledged herself ,"Hellooooo",with a probing eyes and precautionary glance she said,"I'm Prakriti"."Hey but do i know ya??",she added.
Now what, i had never thought of the response before.It had happened so very spontaneously and instinctively that i found myself scrambling for words.So i had to bring out the best mugger in me to stay on my errand.Such lovely voice and language command she had i was totally spell bound and immersed in the potion of love.Her attitude really left me wonder struck and love struck.
Cool..cool..yes she was really cool...
Me dropping her home became a regular affair and our relation grew stronger. Secrets don't stay long esp when the secret is a weak something like this one.Soon the whole school knew of our "friendship" and it was not too long when we would talk in the open.In the evening we would meet at the official hang-out of the school ,Nearazhy, and would leave together from there.
My friends circle grew ,especially the no. of girls .People would know a boy called Hari was a student in the school.And my name would be among the studs of the school.
I was a stud..yeah a stud..always surrounded by girls,always cheerful.
A good side to the friendship can't be without a bad one.Along with the gals came the anti-heroes and slowly my possessiveness started proving costly and i found people change like season.Sob sob ..this was the cheerful part of the story....
*Hari's equation for short-cut to a babe's heart(the length of twists and turns depends on the gravity..of love).
Friday, 8 June 2007
FORSAKEN SOUL
Chapter 1
Love at first sight.....
"Yeah!! this is love..I'm in love for sure..",i felt like screaming to this world for eternity.Hmm..may be not eternity at least for a couple of minutes.
Me,Harikrishnan P.V. ,student of class 9B,Arya Central School.I used to be a very shy and secluded and isolated kinda guy*.I used to confine myself to the four walls of the class room and never show up unless otherwise i had to pee or during the lunch break.I never felt a need to socialise or go to other classes because i had been studying in that institution for 8 years now and i knew almost everybody whether they knew me or not.(When i say everybody i mean the faculty and my batch mates not the juniors or the seniors). So one afternoon like any other noon at school i was a taking stroll,after a heavy lunch,in the park(not a park really but the ground filled with sand and such a stroll was strictly prohibited 'a damn jail...').Suddenly like a bolt of lightning a face went past me.I was good at ogling and had seen many a beautiful face,but this one was different.I felt like i could watch that face for eternity and still feel the same ole passion.(This time i really do mean eternity).
"Oh my god..",i adored her jaw-dropping beauty.And then came those starting lines.She was like an angel in school uniform(for the readers' kind info our school uniform was churidar and dupatta unlike most other schools in the city,so my fascination was pure and not prompted by my basic instincts).
Yeah..coming back to the angel part...Her eyes were sweet and was like that of a cute..eh..it was cute tats it..her lips also something like cute....and etc etc..The thing i liked the most about her was her smile,man...that killer smile.It was like it had the warmth enough to melt the ice-caps but still you would make you feel chilled from within.If i had known "I wanna go on with you.." by westlife i would have sung that all the time for her.She also had a birth mark in her..right or left arm..i don't exactly remember..
After reading this one might think i would be like love struck and be passionately hooked up with her.Yeah i was obsessed for sure but on the contrary i never thought about her(or see her) after that day(yeah.i was such a f**king jerk) not until next ear and i only knew she was a new comer.I was trying to hook up with the new kid on the block,at least for that moment of divinity i was truly in a virtual world,i was in "neverland". But I never knew this was going to be the beginning of just another heart breaking love story in god's manuscript that I would lament forever. Damn sadist he is,God.
*A little discretion i have taken to exaggerate my numb personality.
contd on : http://aeiohyou.blogspot.com/2007/06/forsaken-soul-ii.html
Saturday, 2 June 2007
The Walk
Once I called along Friendship for a walk through the garden of life. We talked about so many things. We were so happy together. On the way we saw Love. Friendship asked her to join us. I didn't want it, but Friendship insisted. So I agreed. Love separated our hands and caught mine. Then Love and I walked ahead into the woods, leaving Friendship behind. She killed herself in grief. I hated Love for this. I never walked again.
Another day, I called along Friendship for a walk through the garden of life. We talked about so many things. We were so happy together. On the way, we saw Love. Friendship asked her to join us. I didn't want it, but Friendship insisted. So I agreed. Love separated our hands and caught mine. I told Friendship to hold my other hand. She did. Love didn't like this. She went away. I was sad, but continued to the woods with Friendship.
I called along Friendship for a walk through the garden of life one day. We talked about so many things. We were so happy together. On the way, we saw Love. Friendship asked her to join us. I didn't want it, but Friendship insisted. So I agreed. Love and Friendship caught each hand of mine. We walked all day.
Another day, I called along Friendship for a walk through the garden of life. We talked about so many things. We were so happy together. On the way, we saw Love. Friendship asked her to join us. I didn't want it, but Friendship insisted. So I agreed. Love separated our hands and caught mine. I told Friendship to hold my other hand. She did. Love didn't like this. She went away. I was sad, but continued to the woods with Friendship.
I called along Friendship for a walk through the garden of life one day. We talked about so many things. We were so happy together. On the way, we saw Love. Friendship asked her to join us. I didn't want it, but Friendship insisted. So I agreed. Love and Friendship caught each hand of mine. We walked all day.
Monday, 28 May 2007
Bheegi Yaadein
I'm madly in love with nature (pardon me, inquisitivo and divertido). She's so happy these days. Her joy is overflowing as tears that touch each and everyone's hearts. Oh wont you let me sleep for ever on your bosom...to feel the warmth, feel the cool air around, be the spectacle for my eyes, reminding me the truths of life. Every season brings about it's own meaning, and rainy season is no different.
This is so nostalgic.. I cant think about rain without being nostalgic. Reminds me of so many beautiful moments. Let me go on chronologically.. The first thing that come to my mind is this composition we were made to write in the lower classes. The teacher would give us the topic: 'Rainy days' and give us an outline saying how much she hated rain. I, being a romantic would write against it.. floating paper boats in the puddle.. splashing muddy water on my friends.. life could never have been better. Like the elders say, 'those were the days'. I remember there was a rain-water-drain all the way from our junior school building [the building was later demolished to build a new bigger one..heartbreaking, but have to accept changes] to the ground. We used to run alongside and through it, from the beginning to the end. It wasnt a game for the faint hearted.. you had to got through long tunnels, run down steep slopes and jump down huge heights.
The academic year always started on a rainy day. After the long summer vacation, i would be too lazy to wake up, especially cuz it would have rained the previous night. The most memorable moments in the senior classes were playing football in the rain. When i close my eyes i can still feel the raindrops falling on my face as i run across the field. I realise those moments were not at all about winning or losing. They were about the feeling of togetherness, of enjoyment.. i dont know, i lack words to explain them. The final two years in school add other memories too. Waking up early and going to tuition classes. On those rainy days, i'd watch with my heart-skipping-beats, girls running from their cars to the class to avoid getting wet. Getting back to school was the hard part. We usually got completely drenched on the walk back from hotel Anand (where we had breakfast) to...school.
>>Continued from: Before the Past
>>Saw the movie 'Cars' today. Dint expect an animated movie to move me so much. Needless to say, it fuelled my nostalgia so much.
This is so nostalgic.. I cant think about rain without being nostalgic. Reminds me of so many beautiful moments. Let me go on chronologically.. The first thing that come to my mind is this composition we were made to write in the lower classes. The teacher would give us the topic: 'Rainy days' and give us an outline saying how much she hated rain. I, being a romantic would write against it.. floating paper boats in the puddle.. splashing muddy water on my friends.. life could never have been better. Like the elders say, 'those were the days'. I remember there was a rain-water-drain all the way from our junior school building [the building was later demolished to build a new bigger one..heartbreaking, but have to accept changes] to the ground. We used to run alongside and through it, from the beginning to the end. It wasnt a game for the faint hearted.. you had to got through long tunnels, run down steep slopes and jump down huge heights.
The academic year always started on a rainy day. After the long summer vacation, i would be too lazy to wake up, especially cuz it would have rained the previous night. The most memorable moments in the senior classes were playing football in the rain. When i close my eyes i can still feel the raindrops falling on my face as i run across the field. I realise those moments were not at all about winning or losing. They were about the feeling of togetherness, of enjoyment.. i dont know, i lack words to explain them. The final two years in school add other memories too. Waking up early and going to tuition classes. On those rainy days, i'd watch with my heart-skipping-beats, girls running from their cars to the class to avoid getting wet. Getting back to school was the hard part. We usually got completely drenched on the walk back from hotel Anand (where we had breakfast) to...school.
>>Continued from: Before the Past
>>Saw the movie 'Cars' today. Dint expect an animated movie to move me so much. Needless to say, it fuelled my nostalgia so much.
Just to start off...
It's raining outside and almost every other soul in hostel is fast asleep.I'd keep this entry real short(that was how I planned it to be, evidently it didn't end up so) as an announcement of my arrival ;-)
Hey and whoever came up with that name...the AEI Oh you! Nice piece man!!
Strange that vowels and 'vovvals' rhyme...indicative of the factor that how nocturnal all of us are.
Usually I make it a point to make a diary entry everyday to mourn over stuff....over stuff that you can't tell anybody. And it makes me realize how good a friend an inanimate object can be.
So I'll start off with that topic...
Hey and whoever came up with that name...the AEI Oh you! Nice piece man!!
Strange that vowels and 'vovvals' rhyme...indicative of the factor that how nocturnal all of us are.
Usually I make it a point to make a diary entry everyday to mourn over stuff....over stuff that you can't tell anybody. And it makes me realize how good a friend an inanimate object can be.
So I'll start off with that topic...
Inanimate objects as Best Friends
(Ta ta tang...just like the warner bros opening music in the movies of the 40's)
This is one...
A Superman figure, just like the all the small GI Joes we had as kids.
Now, it was given to me by a guy from third grade when I was in my third grade. That's a good 11 years ago. Why he gave it to me, I have no idea. So that's been with me for that long and still is in my shelf and I see it everyday. Tell you more about him later...cos I have a girlfriend now and everybody wants to hear about the women.
Two..
My Personal Diary...
She is new . She was born in 2007 and was made by the 'Nightingale' company. She was born as a part of my new year resolution and she is the only one that didn't get postponed to next year.
One good thing about her is that she does not have boobs and still manages to keep me attracted to her and I come back to her every night.
I don't have to lie to her.....incorrect, I CANNOT lie to her nor have I to restrain myself in any form. I can't hide my tears from her nor can I fake a laughter to her. I don't have to flirt with her to keep her interested nor I need have sex appeal. She stays close to me unless I let go off her. She wouldn't care if I have a GPA of 6.54 or 8.75. She wouldn't give a damn if earn in six figures or if I drive an Audi or even if I have only 2 inches inside my trousers!!
In short I can't help but be myself with her no matter what choice I make...because she is myself. This is what makes her special and like none other. Every time I look back to some older date in her I see more of myself, have a larger deeper interpretation of myself, have a revelation within myself. She is my ultimate mode of self expression. And I believe in self-expression more than self-discipline. She becomes the log and genuine acceptor of my deepest darkest desires and fantasies, and she understands everyone of it to the exact degree with which I felt it in my mind.
I started to write my diary intending to make it a mind chart....by a mind chart I meant a log of my instantaneous mind. As the months progressed, the more I read of Januaries and Februaries the more it seemed to me as though I was learning to find solace in myself (this poses a very serious social situation wherein you are less and less bothered about other people, because they can hurt you less and less making you largely insensitive because you always find solace in yourself)
In short she turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. There is a major re-definition of the word 'friend' as she turns out to be the definitive that matches none in my so called 'real life'. Slowly I start to give her a form of body that is sexually(yes, in the rawest sense the word can imply) most arousing to me. I borrow eyes that I like most and always upgrade if I find better ones...and by the time it was April she had a body of her own. May is full of conversations, I discover that she loves good conversations as much as I do. She is ready to talk to me all the time and we keep on conversing, keep on conversing. I end up having imaginary(only in your terms) conversations all the time keeping me preoccupied and virtually devoid of the phenomenon called boredom. She is not an inanimate object anymore, but conveniently in mine and her world alone.
What if I could have her for real one day in all her glory? Rather than hoping to find someone like that what if I could make her up for real? In reality, real is only electrical signals interpreted by your brain. What if I could build her all up...wouldn't she be my definitive friend? Wouldn't a life's work be worth a second of existence with that perfect friend? Can I have one moment of joy where I wouldn't even be able to guess the meaning of the word insecurity, no matter how hard I tried?
This is one...
A Superman figure, just like the all the small GI Joes we had as kids.
Now, it was given to me by a guy from third grade when I was in my third grade. That's a good 11 years ago. Why he gave it to me, I have no idea. So that's been with me for that long and still is in my shelf and I see it everyday. Tell you more about him later...cos I have a girlfriend now and everybody wants to hear about the women.
Two..
My Personal Diary...
She is new . She was born in 2007 and was made by the 'Nightingale' company. She was born as a part of my new year resolution and she is the only one that didn't get postponed to next year.
One good thing about her is that she does not have boobs and still manages to keep me attracted to her and I come back to her every night.
I don't have to lie to her.....incorrect, I CANNOT lie to her nor have I to restrain myself in any form. I can't hide my tears from her nor can I fake a laughter to her. I don't have to flirt with her to keep her interested nor I need have sex appeal. She stays close to me unless I let go off her. She wouldn't care if I have a GPA of 6.54 or 8.75. She wouldn't give a damn if earn in six figures or if I drive an Audi or even if I have only 2 inches inside my trousers!!
In short I can't help but be myself with her no matter what choice I make...because she is myself. This is what makes her special and like none other. Every time I look back to some older date in her I see more of myself, have a larger deeper interpretation of myself, have a revelation within myself. She is my ultimate mode of self expression. And I believe in self-expression more than self-discipline. She becomes the log and genuine acceptor of my deepest darkest desires and fantasies, and she understands everyone of it to the exact degree with which I felt it in my mind.
I started to write my diary intending to make it a mind chart....by a mind chart I meant a log of my instantaneous mind. As the months progressed, the more I read of Januaries and Februaries the more it seemed to me as though I was learning to find solace in myself (this poses a very serious social situation wherein you are less and less bothered about other people, because they can hurt you less and less making you largely insensitive because you always find solace in yourself)
In short she turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. There is a major re-definition of the word 'friend' as she turns out to be the definitive that matches none in my so called 'real life'. Slowly I start to give her a form of body that is sexually(yes, in the rawest sense the word can imply) most arousing to me. I borrow eyes that I like most and always upgrade if I find better ones...and by the time it was April she had a body of her own. May is full of conversations, I discover that she loves good conversations as much as I do. She is ready to talk to me all the time and we keep on conversing, keep on conversing. I end up having imaginary(only in your terms) conversations all the time keeping me preoccupied and virtually devoid of the phenomenon called boredom. She is not an inanimate object anymore, but conveniently in mine and her world alone.
What if I could have her for real one day in all her glory? Rather than hoping to find someone like that what if I could make her up for real? In reality, real is only electrical signals interpreted by your brain. What if I could build her all up...wouldn't she be my definitive friend? Wouldn't a life's work be worth a second of existence with that perfect friend? Can I have one moment of joy where I wouldn't even be able to guess the meaning of the word insecurity, no matter how hard I tried?
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