Monday, 28 May 2007

Just to start off...

It's raining outside and almost every other soul in hostel is fast asleep.I'd keep this entry real short(that was how I planned it to be, evidently it didn't end up so) as an announcement of my arrival ;-)

Hey and whoever came up with that name...the AEI Oh you! Nice piece man!!
Strange that vowels and 'vovvals' rhyme...indicative of the factor that how nocturnal all of us are.

Usually I make it a point to make a diary entry everyday to mourn over stuff....over stuff that you can't tell anybody. And it makes me realize how good a friend an inanimate object can be.

So I'll start off with that topic...

Inanimate objects as Best Friends
(Ta ta tang...just like the warner bros opening music in the movies of the 40's)

This is one...

A Superman figure, just like the all the small GI Joes we had as kids.

Now, it was given to me by a guy from third grade when I was in my third grade. That's a good 11 years ago. Why he gave it to me, I have no idea. So that's been with me for that long and still is in my shelf and I see it everyday. Tell you more about him later...cos I have a girlfriend now and everybody wants to hear about the women.


My Personal Diary...

She is new . She was born in 2007 and was made by the 'Nightingale' company. She was born as a part of my new year resolution and she is the only one that didn't get postponed to next year.

One good thing about her is that she does not have boobs and still manages to keep me attracted to her and I come back to her every night.
I don't have to lie to her.....incorrect, I CANNOT lie to her nor have I to restrain myself in any form. I can't hide my tears from her nor can I fake a laughter to her. I don't have to flirt with her to keep her interested nor I need have sex appeal. She stays close to me unless I let go off her. She wouldn't care if I have a GPA of 6.54 or 8.75. She wouldn't give a damn if earn in six figures or if I drive an Audi or even if I have only 2 inches inside my trousers!!

In short I can't help but be myself with her no matter what choice I make...because she is myself. This is what makes her special and like none other. Every time I look back to some older date in her I see more of myself, have a larger deeper interpretation of myself, have a revelation within myself. She is my ultimate mode of self expression. And I believe in self-expression more than self-discipline. She becomes the log and genuine acceptor of my deepest darkest desires and fantasies, and she understands everyone of it to the exact degree with which I felt it in my mind.
I started to write my diary intending to make it a mind a mind chart I meant a log of my instantaneous mind. As the months progressed, the more I read of Januaries and Februaries the more it seemed to me as though I was learning to find solace in myself (this poses a very serious social situation wherein you are less and less bothered about other people, because they can hurt you less and less making you largely insensitive because you always find solace in yourself)
In short she turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. There is a major re-definition of the word 'friend' as she turns out to be the definitive that matches none in my so called 'real life'. Slowly I start to give her a form of body that is sexually(yes, in the rawest sense the word can imply) most arousing to me. I borrow eyes that I like most and always upgrade if I find better ones...and by the time it was April she had a body of her own. May is full of conversations, I discover that she loves good conversations as much as I do. She is ready to talk to me all the time and we keep on conversing, keep on conversing. I end up having imaginary(only in your terms) conversations all the time keeping me preoccupied and virtually devoid of the phenomenon called boredom. She is not an inanimate object anymore, but conveniently in mine and her world alone.
What if I could have her for real one day in all her glory? Rather than hoping to find someone like that what if I could make her up for real? In reality, real is only electrical signals interpreted by your brain. What if I could build her all up...wouldn't she be my definitive friend? Wouldn't a life's work be worth a second of existence with that perfect friend? Can I have one moment of joy where I wouldn't even be able to guess the meaning of the word insecurity, no matter how hard I tried?


  1. insanity, halucination...
    you are seriously..thinkin alone..
    people fear those who think alone..
    cant reveal more, cuz then i would be influencing your thought process, which i dont want to do.

  2. @jfx

    Ah..that can't happen you see. All of you have well been a part of the thought process for so long that the influence is no longer an 'influence' in the normal sense.
    It has grown to be an integral part of my thought process.

  3. I don't know what to say of this,seriously.
    I have heard "He who can love himself can find no rival" and this seems to be true in your case.
    I find you have transformed your ego into something like an alter ego in a diary and i don't know what wild things you do with it..

  4. yes got that point 100% right..I seem to be madly in love with myself.