Friday, 31 August 2007

The race back to start

Time's going ahead very fast
But mind is slowing looking past,
I fear a day my mind will stop
and then will countless memories do pop.

Have a look at some pics I took during my visit to malabar
Photos taken in malabar

Thursday, 23 August 2007

It Happens

10 I didn't have much to write about in the past week. So here's a blog pretty much about nothing or something haven't thought much about or maybe anything i feel like writing now.

20 First of all, I'm in a buoyant mood now. The reasons maybe plenty, or there isn't one. If there is a reason, it might be possible that the reason is one of the following:
1. Stepper motor worked yesterday.
2. The huge feud between students of our class ended today in a happy and unexpected way. (You can write a whole story on it)
3. I'm going to kannur this weekend and will be able to refresh my batteries.(I'm not gonna joke that i left back my charger there last time around)

30 Let me start off with the stepper motor. It's the first small step for our-kind but a huge step for the motor. It is the first time it worked satisfactorily outside the printer it was designed for. The printer had been waiting to be dumped into some deep abyss from where there would be no coming back. The motor must be happy that it has been rescued and brought back to life by a group of young men who aspire to become leaders of the future. On an interview to, the motor said "I wish my new owners success in their forthcoming endeavor at Shaastra 07"

40 It's better that i keep my mouth shut about the second reason why I'm happy. It's been going on and on for two weeks now. Cold war, verbal war, etc.. thank god it didn't become physical. The best thing is now everyone's happy and raring to go. Go where? Of course for the tour!

50 After going to pala just two weeks back, I'm off to see the next set of relatives this weekend. Kannur is not only about seeing my sweet cousins, uncles, aunties, grandpa and grandma, it's an adventure in itself. The place is halfway up a hill. It's like a visit to hill station, a hill station you can call home.

60 END

P.S. Sorry about the meandering and often confusing sentence construction. Those are just a wave-guide of my mind which often goes a million times around a point before actually reaching it. In fact let me continue with the thought process which is often evident in my speech too. I think about the same point in too many ways at once. So i often end up starting a sentence rephrasing it in the middle and might even end up contradicting what i start off to say. It's not a surprise that most of my friends who have come with doubts to me go back with more serious doubts.
If you are still thinking what the numbers in front of each para means, think BASIC.

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

The Curse

I went to my third home, my native place, this weekend. It had always been my refuge in hard times, like the ones after exams. A visit to pala always helped me regain my senses, calm my nerves and begin afresh. I originally thought of dedicating a blog to it, but fought back the urge. The reason being I would waste lots of time conjuring up words to write in the blog rather than enjoying the moments. But something else has forced me to write about my journey into the heart of God's own country, something that made me wonder whether God has taken away his grace from this land.

For the past few months I'd heard about increase in fever cases in those areas. Along the way, the news that everyone in both my parents' homes had got the disease passed over my head without much notice. The sight that welcomed me not only shocked me, but saddened me a lot.

The gravity of the situation cannot be fully understood through my simple blog. I'll try to express in few words what I understood of a disease the government refuses to call chikungunya. From now on, let me call it 'the disease that should not be named'. First of all, there is no doubt that it is an endemic. More than 90% of all households in that area have already got 'the disease that should not be named'. It affects everyone, but the after-effects show a different pattern according to age. The young have fever for few days and usually don't have much after-effects. But the elders are the ones who suffer the most. By elders, I mean a whole generation of people from ages 55 and above. The suffer from after-effects from which many never recover.

The after-effects range from neeru (don't know what it's called in English) in limbs to unbearable pain in the whole body. A sharp increase in death-rate is reported, though other causes are cited as reasons for death. Everyone of the elders have been reduced to bed-rest, though the valiant still fight it out with sticks for support. The worst affected among the community are people who do menial jobs and other works that do not have regular salary. There have been cases of many not able to get even one time meal.

What is the government doing during this time? Shutting up every news article to save the face of the state so that tourism does not suffer? These are millions peoples life at stake. At a time when science has advance so much why can't we find a vaccine, or at least some medicine to suppress the after-effects. As the horrible the disease that should not be named spreads to south and north, I can just ponder about my Grandpa's words- "There's nothing to do. This is a curse."

Thursday, 9 August 2007


(it is advisable to read the first half of the story before continuing in case you have forgotten the storyline.)

He so wanted to talk to her, be near her… clear up his confused mind and somehow wrest back the memories he most definitely was missing. But how? Whom to ask? And what will he ask them “Could you tell me how the beautiful girl whom I have been loving secretly is in my house and seems to know all of you?”… ya that would be nice. Damn… he kept to himself and to his own room all morning… trying to find answers. Furthermore he dint have the courage to face a situation in which he might once again be found wanting in his understanding… who knows what else has gone on in this household while his memory was in the “write error” situation. It was a rainy day and most of the inhabitants (which was more than usual thanks to the relatives staying over for the night) kept to the house … so he remained in his room till afternoon avoiding all company until his mom came to call him for lunch.

Lunch went pretty much the same way as breakfast except she looked a bit downcast but still sat next to him… should he talk to her after lunch? He washed his hand and turned around to catch her eyes, she also seemed to be waiting for the opportunity to talk to him… he took a step towards her, when his mom whisked her away to the kitchen to help her. He retreated to his bedroom.

He made up his mind. It was best if he talked to her… alone. But no such opportunities presented itself till evening. At one point he considered going to sleep, and maybe when he woke up everything would become clear. But slumber does not dawn on a turbulent mind easily… the frustration began to mount and as he sat at his desk thumbing through an old magazine she showed up at his door. He stood up immediately and their eyes locked. She also wanted to talk to him desperately. He sensed it in her eyes. She stood there motionless for a moment and all eternity it seemed before she turned round and walked away at someone’s call… well that’s it enough! He decided whatever the truth there was no meaning in waiting… Better sooner rather than later.

He waited for ten minutes before moving out of his room. She was not in the kitchen… his cousins had gone out thanks to the benevolence of the rain gods. His mom and aunt were chatting away in the dining hall while there respective husbands sat discussing politics in the front room. He made his way up the stairs and headed straight for the farthest room after checking the adjacent rooms… there he found her.

She was standing by the window looking out into the darkness that was building up outside… the skies were still murky so like his own mind. He did not know what he should ask her. She was dressed in a blue churidar… lighter and darker shades of blue mixed in an abstract design. Her hair was being swept back by the slight breeze into the room… he could not see her face… he moved forward uncertainly. Just then a lightning forked across the skies and she suddenly turned her head away from the window. He caught a glimpse of her face and realized she was on the verge of tears… she turned an accusing look upon him. “I…”, he began. “you have been avoiding me…”, she interjected… she was wearing minimal make up and light pink lipstick… she looked beautiful. As always… he reminded himself. he did not know what to say. Of course it was true. “You have not talked to me all day and have not even given your face to me… I want to know… What is wrong with you?” she carried on in the same vein. Just a memory lapse dear, nothing major, I just cant remember how or when we fell in love, he thought in his mind. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Or is it just that you don’t like me any more? Am I a disturbance to you?”. She was an angel in tears… a sad sight to behold. “Never my dear…”, he said from the bottom of his heart… “Then what is it? tell me…”she implored. He had no words to comfort her, he took up her hands in his and squeezed them… this made her lose all control. She broke down crying on his chest… he was taken aback initially but hugged her close to his chest… “I love you dear and I will never lose you…. Never…”, he whispered in her ears… she kissed his chest and continued sobbing into his chest. He pulled her closer to his chest and her blue glass bangles splintered and fell to the floor… neither of them noticed… they were in a world of their own. He would remember and treasure this forever, he told himself. Nothing was going to pluck this memory from him.

Then she suddenly pulled away from him and wiped her eyes… the mascara had spread onto her face. “I have to go…”she said. “What? Now? Why?”, he asked. “You just have to let me go… You know I have to go. This cannot last…” . “ Why not? , I am not letting you go… not for anything in this world”. Saying this he caught her hand and pulled her closer, but she wont come nearer. “Just let me go…”, she was pleading… he pulled harder but she refused to let go. He closed his eyes to shut out the pain… to win her and lose her within the space of 24 hours would be excruciating. “ Let me go…”. The sound pounded in his ears. “ Let me go or go and make dosa and chutney yourself…” the voice said. Wtf ? He opened his eyes to see he was in his bed hanging on to his moms hand… it was early morning. No it could not be a dream, no… he felt like screaming out loud. “ Let go sleepyhead”, mom said. It was all a dream. Damn them all. Mom made her way back to the kitchen muttering something. Why had the gods been so cruel to him? “ f( ) ( k!”, he cursed quietly. “ Go and get a shower… else you will be late”, mom shouted. He just wanted to just flop back down on the bed and continue his dream… damn. It had been so confusing… but so sweet. Dream or not At least he had her… she had been with him, she had loved him, she had even cried for him… “ f( ) ( k!”, he cursed again. Pining on dreams aint gonna help you he said to himself. Maybe a shower in the cold water might. Still cursing he collected up his dress and went into the bathroom.

He stripped and stood under the shower. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “ It was all a dream… goodbye, dream…” and he let the shower run. The water was cold… it struck him like a thousand needles… he dropped his head and... DAMN!!! What the?. He shut off the shower and hurriedly dried himself not daring to look. Ran into the room half naked and stood in front of the mirror… there it was… on his chest…there was no mistaking it. He felt something in the pocket of his T- shirt slung over his shoulder. He put his hand in and pulled out the splintered remains of blue golden bangles... . A pink imprint of beautiful lips shone clear on his chest…
*******************************THE END*******************************

**once again this is not a part of the chain story doing the rounds now.

**the author would like to thank the devoted fans for waiting patiently for the rest of the story. sorry it took so long and thanks for your support.

Saturday, 4 August 2007


Inside the studio of a mega music contest...

A Contestant bursting his throat out to reproduce a hit no..He had practised the song for over two weeks before presentation.

After the performance.
Judge 1: Hmmm.....pretty average performance.
(Contestant mumbling, 'Damn asshole doesn't he know what's next to average.......average guy!!!')
Judge 2: Can you please sing ...*a word from some line in some stanza.
Our obedient and humble contestant responds.
Judge 2:Yeah!!! (as if he caught a thief red handed) the pronunciation in not right for that need to improve your diction if you want to stay in this contest.
(Contestant mumbling the second time.... Huh!! another kick ass...the oxford guy!!! sucko)
Judge 3:Actually i liked your song...(please note: 8Th wonder of the world is need of any poll) Buttt....your pitching is flat at some places, so you need to keep working hard....
(Contestant:(thinking).... Aye,Aye foot)

Oh! god when will the parade of judges end......

Judge 4:Aaaahh...i donno....these organizers have put me here, i don't know why?? But one thing i would like to say, YOU ROCK!!!
(contestant:(mumbling again) oh! another sadist....onneneettu pokumo....)
(thank god he turned off the microphone while mumbling)

Judge 1 was a be all and end all of the music industry, he ain't satisfied with anything..
Judge 2 is a retired language professor from a parallel college..
Judge 3 upcoming music director(with hit:flop ratio = 1:100) hoping to impress somebody with his "wise" comments...
Judge 4 'The producer' of the show...
Oh! Contestant: ME!!!
I was thinking of such a situation. (gulp!)
Njan curtain pedikkan vallom ninnolaam(sigh).....

Ch 5: Emotions

Life is all fun and enjoyment, I thought. I was too late to discover that it wasn't so... too late when is discovered myself, my powers. But life gave me a second chance. Here's my story, the story of a woman.

I was born to rich, normal parents, or so I thought. Through my teens i had everything i wanted, be it the Barbie girl, round the world tour, or the Mercedes I got when I was still seventeen. Money was power, and it could buy anything. I was in the second last year in school when I met someone...

He joined my school in plus 2. From the first day itself, I fell for his good looks and cool attitude. I knew I was in love. The moment I looked at him something started burning in my head. It was not like the simile 'burning passion', this was real, physical. I felt some kind of connection between my mind and his, and felt my emotion passing on to him. It was really weird, but the same day, he asked me out. It was heaven from then on.

We dated for months. Then in December, he had to go to visit his parents in Dubai. I didn't see him for a month. When he returned everything had changed. He didn't like me, he never had... It was all my doing, my power had forced him to love me against his will. I was crestfallen. I can still remember that day - it was my 18th birthday.

When I returned home, mom and dad were waiting with my presents and birthday cake. I fell crying on mom's outstretched hands and opened my heart. She took the whole incident with much less surprise than I expected. I asked her, "Mom, is there something I should know?" She replied.

Days passed on, but after knowing 'the truth', it was never the same. Suddenly life seemed to have more meaning. I felt some kind of responsibility to human race. Though we were the superior race, we were the aliens on this planet. The feeling of being alien in a place you called home, it's unnerving.I joined CET the next year.

It was the second day in college that I saw the man of my dreams. He had the looks of Tom Cruise and poise of Hugh Grant. I told myself never to tinker with her emotions. As I walked past him, I tried a weak smile hoping he would notice me. It was beautiful... Amazingly, he asked me out the next week. I couldn't utter the words to express my happiness, but i think my nodding head conveyed the message to him.

That evening, we were at Lords. I was sipping on the last drop of limejuice, when I unintentionally started to pass on my emotion of love unto him. I stood up, trying to control the power. I told myself "I shouldn't make him fall in love with me. It will ruin his life. How would he ever understand that I can control emotions..". He tried to calm me down, and told the story of his life. He didn't know why he had the power or where it came from. His parents were so distance from him that they never cared to reveal to their son 'the truth'.

All that is history. We married and have a son, Deepak. Deepak's dad told me few weeks ago that our son's in love. He wasn't sure the girl felt the same for the boy. And then the day came when the dreaded accident happened. I had gone out shopping and saw the whole thing. Deepak suddenly shifted in his seat and the scooter went out of control. I ran towards them, but the crowd prevented me from getting anywhere near. I saw a girl getting out of the car that stopped just inches from Deepak. My power burst out upon her, and I could see the effect. The girl (whom I later came to know was the girl my son was after) felt an instant urge to help my son. She took him to the car and drove him home. I called out to my hus, but my voice was drowned in the crowd.

When I reached home, dad took me aside and said to me, "Our son knows I can read minds. The time arrives that he should know 'the truth'. And one more thing, the girl he's after, the one who saved him today, is Hari Seldon's heir!"

Friday, 3 August 2007

the departed

just finished watchin "the departed" and theres no way you'll do that without appreciating the craft of martin scorsese... the story flows with no slur or snag or jerks and you are taken along for the ride... even the score is brilliant and the twists and turns are timed just right and by twists i dont mean those silly ones they make for the sake of twists and which you ll guess far before it comes... no these ones will really get you of guard, well no more spoilers!!! and the language can be described in one word "f()(k"... great movie... thus i have relaunched my attack on the movie database... 1 down 150 odd to go.

Ch4 : The Truth!!

"Damn!! how disgusting...these assholes changed my name from Neetha to Neha!!! One day I'll have my payback.". Neha was talking to herself, but she didn't know she is being overheard,Yes!Deepak, it was him.....!!
Stunned by the other side of his dear girlfriend he made a snort, Neetha realizing the presence of a stranger, in panic, shot from her revolver (hidden inside her hand bag) in the direction of the sound. With a loud yell Deepak fell down, Neetha felt a thunderbolt running down her spine and rather caught out.Deepak was rolling on the floor with pain, he was miserable. He felt like the angels calling out to him, "Deeepak....".

"Eh!! What the hell?? Shit!! A nightmare.It is already seven and I'm not ready for school yet.Shouldn't have seen 'The Unfaithful' the precious night." Deepak stopped rolling on the floor and got up to get ready for the school.
But why the hell did he think of Neha as a traitor, the reason she would turn rebel is not going to be as filthy as a name.The question dogged him to the class and he found no respite from his thoughts. Even in Neha's company he felt off sorts.
"Why are you so moody Deepak???",Neha asked.
"OH!! Eh!"as if just waking up from a dream."No,nothing". He longed to tell her about the dream but something held him against.
"Is there anything that i can help you with??"Neha looking very much concerned.
"Its so nice of you Neha darling, but no nothing of a great concern.Just that I'm having a minor head ache.." Deepak evading the temptation to open himself up.
"Ok...then i guess you need to take some time off... "Neha replied.
"Yeah!! I guess i get going now Neha dear..See ya tomorrow...."
Dé·jà vu!! He felt he had talked to Neha in an almost similar manner sometime back. This has become a pretty regular occurrence nowadays this,Dé·jà vu!!
"Some thing's wrong somewhere, the only person,one i can trust, who will have a solution for this problem is my dad..But he's off to some business tour from the next day of our 'small freak accident'. He had left in haste, never gave an indication as to his departure..."
He walked back home for he wanted to stack up his thoughts into a neat pile so that he can figure out whatever his problem was.
A pleasant surprise waited for him back home, his dad had returned from the "tour". Deepak was ecstatic and cried out with joy, for he felt comforted and safe.
At nightfall he went to his dad for some counseling on his problem.
"Dad i believe you might have read my mind already,eh..i don't know what's happening I'm"
"Say no more son...I understand.Once me too felt the same. Yes son you are gifted me and like many others who roam this world.The next few things I'm going to tell you is going to take a lot from your part to assimilate in one go...But I've to do this, the time has come for you to know the truth."
Deepak stood amazed and anxious, what on earth was going on??
"Listen boy, I've been away to see some of my old friends, them belonging to group called The Council of AEI.I know its going to be too much for you to take in but you have to be patient and listen.AEI is 'Aliter Encampments for Ithopia'. The world is not what you see around boy, we are time travellers from the world of Ithopia. The place you call Universe is just another part, in fact the primordial part of a greater system called Ithopia. We are from the future boy! You are unique because during the years of my research about our past you were born. The so called business tour i was away for, was a journey back to our time because after that accident i grew concerned about you, for in this primitive place there is no automotive security and the people here are very slow for they take hours to reach just 500km(less than half a minute journey in Ithopia),I've got the permission from the council to take leave from my assignment for a couple of earth-months. We have the science of psychohistory**(developed by the great mathematician Hari*) so I can most often predict the future correctly, and that's what you know as my mind reading capability.We are researching about the possibility of settling in the past because our world is getting crowded more and more.We live in the planet of Earth in fact right here but a 10000 years hence..And the deja vu you have been having is because you too have the elements of psychohistory in you so you tend to see a lot things of the future through your dreams.Take your time to come in terms with the reality and and when you are ready I'll be taking you for a trip back Home....."

This was too much for young Deepak, he didn't speak a word but stood gaping at the stars wondering if they looked the same from some other world he couldn't even think of and if the dreams were to come true,he would think no more..... He couldn't sleep,he feared he might see something he didn't want to...The world around him was changing and so was he......

**Psychohistory has been assumed to be implanted into the human genome by some technique developed long after our era.(OH!! By the way for those readers who don't know what psychohistory is, its a mathematical thesis presented by the mathematician Hari Seldon in the epic Foundation series .... )

soft softer softest

there are times when you talk to someone but can't actually get through. if the other person gets stubborn, its hell. here is a chat i had with matlab

>> help yourself

yourself.m not found.

Use the Help browser Search tab to search the documentation, or
type "help help" for help command options, such as help for methods.

>> i am right here
??? i am right here
Error: Unexpected MATLAB expression.

>> then what did you expect?
??? Undefined function or method 'then' for input arguments of type 'char'.

>> i am not arguing
??? i am not arguing
Error: Unexpected MATLAB expression.

>> i dont care whether you expect it or not
??? i dont care whether you expect it or not
Error: Unexpected MATLAB expression.

>> now it is the same-reply technique. you will have to do better than that
??? Error using ==> now
Too many input arguments.

>> then lets take one argument at a time
??? Undefined function or method 'then' for input arguments of type 'char'.

>> and you dont want to discuss one argu at a time. you are pathetic
??? Error using ==> and
Too many input arguments.

>> get lost
??? Error using ==> get
Invalid handle.

>> try the other door

Thursday, 2 August 2007

Err.... posts??? Damn!!!

I'm using my power of trash stacking for posting this blog. Oh!!! f**k.....

Yeah!! i finished LOTR recently. Quite a stunning book i must say...(Eh...I'm not starting out with another review.. ;-) ) I finished the movies too... But not very satisfactory i must say..One thing i realized on seeing the movies that my own imagination is better than using another man's perspective. Here are some of the disputes and concurrence i found between me and Mr.Peter Jackson.

  • I never thought the dwarf would be that aged, never thought he would have a beard. The notion of dwarfs having 3 feet heights got me thinking w.r.t the small kids, so had a feeling he would be a young fellow.
  • And most of you might disagree with me in this regard- I believe Aragorn's casting could have been a little more better.On reading the book i was inclined to expect a lot off kingliness from the actor,but i must say i like my king better than Viggo.May be they wanted an actor who looks good on a steed and of course he had the reputation from Hidalgo(which i must say was quite impressive...).
  • But all credit to the movies for the splendid landscaping of middle earth, wah!! beautiful shire, the enormous black gate and the elvish cities of Rivendell and Lothllorien really remarkable work, the one area i believe my imagination couldn't quite catch up...
  • The modification of real story at some places made me feel let down as a real fan of LOTR. The most infuriating thing was that they silently accuse Faramir to be like ordinary men getting corrupted for the power of the ring. From the book my impression about him was like steward worthy enough to be born in the race of the great kings, very just and very true.
  • Also they show shire as a trouble free, 'cheerful as ever' place even when the rest of the middle-earth is under the shadow.
F**k again.. Donno wat the hell i was writing and why the hell i made the post...I'm listening now to a Linkin Park song which goes like
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
To all of you i wanna say the same........
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Something's driving me insane for sure...perhaps its the primordial seeds of sanity left dormant deep inside my guts popping up....