Sunday, 22 July 2007


Chapter 3


(This is going to be the penultimate chapter of a rather unimpressive and boring saga of love of a mediocre person, in the process of rediscovering himself.....)

Hmmm......Oh!! Yeah those were the unforgettable moments in my life, when i never realized how insane and nerdy i was, but enjoyed my life to its full. So up to tenth class i was quite pleased with the way things were going. On the last day of our class i dropped her home for the last time and there went the opportune moment.I feel she loved me too, perhaps that's my own conscience telling me or rather consoling me; for such sensual and merry an angel, chattering away into some unknown realm of blissful forgetfulness, i can only dream of beholding as my other half.I never told her, "I love you...", because i thought she knew it well and she would be the first to ask me of it(how foolish and naive!!!!, I regret it even now.....).

The next two years, i reckon, were living hell for me. I didn't realize that then but when i look back down the memory lane i find myself in no man's land not knowing himself but pretending to be the one and only. I was a damn sicko!!. During the long vacation that followed the 10th board i cherished the sweetest memoirs she gave me (couldn't contact her 'cause i was stuck up in my native place).I was kinda making myself fall in love, forcibly thinking i was in love with her.(I still don't know if i really loved her or not but......damn i just can't get her outta my head, i feel crying....sob sob... :(( )In those two months a lot changed.

I became very self conscious, as now i had a girl to impress. A big blunder i believe from my part, the biggest ever because i didn't know who i was and then becoming conscious of oneself can be disastrous.Also i din't know what love was at all, not that i know it now but certaily now i know what is not love .Her friends list grew and i felt out of place because there was a time when i was her only male acquaintance or may be one of the very few. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. She was like a piece of my heart. And amidst all the overflow of emotions the last thing i wanted was to lose my friends. I didn't want to be close those who were close to her. i know what happened to me in those deciding couple of years and this has cost me a lot many friends and my dear soul. Mad in love and desperate in solitude, i punished myself for my lack of confidence and passionately wild possessiveness.No point in blaming someone for my loss or calling people anti-heroes.Only I'm to be blamed for what has happened to me, i just missed the broader perspective of life. I lost her and that's a sorry fact i may brood over perhaps to the end of my life.Had i been a little more confident and open-minded i could have been the proud owner of a lovely heart.But alas!! may be this is what we all call destiny fate etc etc.......I may still have a part to play in her life, you never know,my last ray of hope.

(i don't know if i really felt "love" for her or not, but still i find her lurking amongst the woods, beckoning me to join her to chop off the sorrows of life and be with her forever....)
i don't quite know, how to say, how i feel...'SNOW PATROL'
(to be continued.....)

This is the second chapter...


  1. Don't regret...the opportunities gone r gone

  2. still expecting a bullet that has left your path for greener pastures to come back and strike you?.. never lose faith but was there anything to believe in the first place..
    some things are just an illusion...

  3. hmmmm.... i really can't get her off my mind, its a hard truth to take that she ain't gonna return...
    The time i spent with her is one of the best illusions i ever had, so i would like to archive it for the rest of my life(but i reckon the hands of time to heal my wounded soul, just in time to fully commit towards a life-long relationship)...
    aaaah...wateva....ignorance is bliss....

  4. trying to hold onto illusions knowing dat it is so , dat it can never b real is foolishness. but yeah...v r all fools big time..