@half senses

Insomnia is a damned thing... you cant have enough sleep to keep your senses awake. Slowly your senses dull to the extent that you can’t even tell whether you are awake or in a dream. Hallucinations become a part of daily life. You live a sort of half life. Never fully asleep, never fully awake. It has been stated scientifically that a human mind requires a bare minimum amount of sleep to keep it sane… yet so many people including big stars in the film industry suffer from insomnia and yet lead a satisfactorily normal life. So does it indicate that for different people the bare minimum sleep required is different? Then let us consider the possibility of a person suffering from the reverse of insomnia… he sleeps say 6 to 7 hours everyday and yet that is below his required minimum amount of sleep. Continuing along the same line of thought, he will also suffer from the same effects as an insomniac but in my opinion his condition is actually even worse because he gets even lesser “awake time” than the insomniac and yet suffers as he does.

The reason why I have gone into this topic is because I feel as if I am suffering from such a condition. Yes I do get at least 6 hours of sleep everyday yet never feel fully awake. The alarm goes off at 7 in the morning… brushing, ironing and bathing are done as smoothly and mechanically as a well oiled machine would have done it. Right after the bath there is a bit of uptime but on the walk to the bus stop mind slips back into the dull mode. In the bus as a preparation for the dreadful hours in class mind becomes duller still. In class it is comfortably in sleep mode. Not a word is heard , even when something is heard it makes no sense…

On return to home it is straight to the computer to switch it on and let utorrent resume its downloading. Then a bit of browsing mainly revolving around movies and of late around books as well. Read a book, watch a movie or fool around to waste time till bedtime. Then realizes rough record needs writing and goes round to get it done. Finally off to sleep… (with the Sony walkman humming me some favorite song as lullaby until I am at the doorstep of sweet slumber wherein I relieve the walkman of its duty and drift away into that magical world where sweet dreams are abound. Some of them so well scripted and so good I have been accused of staging my dreams… some of them so frightening you sleep fitfully.

Finally I would like to note down the few occasions when I feel truly awake… First and foremost when I am in the company of friends and having a blast of a time, irrespective of the place and situation. May it be in panchaarakkaadu, or in the backbenches of the class, or in the canteen or restaurant, or in a hotel room lying awake in the middle of the night exchanging our views on the most trivial and sometimes the most important things, never giving a care for anything in the world… all these scenarios always include a dash of spiciness to it which adds to the flavor. Second: when I am watching a good movie which has managed to capture my imagination and attention and when I am on the search for good movies. Third: listening to good songs which appeal to me at that particular moment. Four: reading fascinating books. Five: when trying to work out some puzzle which has a teasing nature to it ie seems rather simple but the solution is always just beyond your grasp unless you really put some effort into it. Six: appreciation of beauty. All things of beauty demand our attention. Usually only half awake on these occasions unless of course a true work of art is spotted. These few moments at full senses are the only time I feel the true throb of life in me.That about sums it up… This has managed to keep me awake for around half an hour but now that the initial exhilaration has completely worn off I am feeling sleepy again. Time to resort to the frantic pace of a do or die Twenty20 to keep myself awake. Adios amigos… Have a good night’s sleep…